nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
