Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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