Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
