I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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