apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
