Yo dont text me then not text me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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