sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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