Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
