My room smells like vodka and shame
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
