I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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