its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
