And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
