I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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