the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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