i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
