She announced her abortion via fbk
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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