I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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