your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
