Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
