the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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