She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
false alarm, still single
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