I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
