I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
