The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
