I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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