I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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