Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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