Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
