Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
