And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize