you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
