i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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