Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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