duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
