I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
