drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
