ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize