Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
