Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
