At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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