I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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