i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
