fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
