Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
