Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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