I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
