Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
