He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
