There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
