I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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