But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize