Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
