redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
