she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
