I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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