this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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