Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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