he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
