I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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