she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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