I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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