Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
