I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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