he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
