This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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