So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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