I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize