the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
