chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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