If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
