My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
