Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
