awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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