tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
