if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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