I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
