I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
