True but thats because hes a fetus.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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