I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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