that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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