please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
