you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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