he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
