redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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