She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize