You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize