I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
