your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
