Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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