Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize