You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
