The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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