Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
