When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
