Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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