just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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