why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize