im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
