my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Randomize
