if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he thought i was a dude.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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