walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
